Sunday, my favorite day of the week but also one of the hardest. I love going to church, partaking of the spirit that is there and fellowshipping with the people but getting five girls ready for church on Sunday morning is no piece of cake. It doesn’t matter how much prep I do the night before something always happens to make me have to fuss, beg and plead to get out of the house in time to get to church before the nursery is closed.  There are days when I wonder if it’s worth all the grief and aggravation I go through but once I get there I definitely feel like it is.

Another great thing about Sunday’s is that I get to take a nap; well sort of. If I don’t get to nap I at least get a couple of hours in my room uninterrupted (if there is such a thing). The idea gives me joy even if it doesn’t turn out that way.

Today’s service was about joy. The scriptures of reference were Psalm 100, Daniel 10:1-3, 12, 13, 20 & 21, Psalm 34 (the whole chapter w/emphasis on verse 8), Romans 8:28, Philippians 4:4   and 1Corninthians 13:1. 

We need to have some joy in our faith. We have to believe God can do anything now while we are waiting for our blessings to happen, not when the blessing has come through. In my weakness is His strength. Oh taste and see the goodness of the Lord. 

I felt my spirit totally embrace and accept the Word. Again this was another message tailored just for me. I needed this to reinforce, rejuvenate and reinvigorate myself. I took this message to heart and know that I need to focus on my blessings and not the trials I am currently going through. So much easier said than done but also a goal for me to reach consistently and carry it through.

The message isn’t new, so what’s the difference? Perhaps this time I’m further along in my walk than when previously heard. Perhaps I’m ready to take the message to heart and am more open to the idea of focusing on the good vs. the bad. I pray this is true because I need to change my focus.

As the day progressed and turned into evening I could feel the day start catching up with me. I didn’t get the nap or the uninterrupted time. I ended up taking the queen to church again this afternoon and upon returning home was thrown into the arena of mom, maid, referee, and cook. I was overwhelmed by it all. I was striking out left and right. They didn’t want spaghetti for dinner, they didn’t want to clean up the mess they made, they wanted to fight with each other and they didn’t want to listen to the referee (me). I just wanted to run to my room, close the door and have a good cry or scream fest. Instead I swallowed, took a few deep breaths and did my thing.  They cleaned up their messes, stopped fighting, sat down and  watched a movie while I prepare dinner. We had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and there were no leftovers.

Bedtime is the worst time around here because there are so many variables at play. Trying to get all five down for the count is almost impossible. Yes, they get in bed but keeping them there is the thing. I have to go to the bathroom, I forgot to brush my teeth, I need to tell you something, I need a hug and on and on. By the time they all get to sleep I’m a volcano waiting to erupt. Tonight was no different and by the time the last one fell asleep I was walking around the house saying under my breath, ”I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.”

At that time I meant it but now as I sit here writing this post my spirit has calmed down and I don’t hate it as much as I hate how things are. It is very hard and overwhelming raising six kids, each with their own set of issues (autism, asthma, ADD, behavior problems, etc.), as a single parent and survivor of domestic violence suffering from PTSD.