Slugfest Pt. 2
January 29, 2011 kimbershome
Last night we tried talking again and it was another slug fest of words. I yelled, he yelled and in my opinion nothing got solved. I couldn’t answer his questions because I really don’t know what to say. He wants to stay married. He thinks if we communicate more then things will be better. He didn’t react to my looking for a second job because he said he knew there was no way I would be able to do both. He has actively put in applications and followed up this past week. It’s almost like a little too late for me. I don’t know if I want to be married or not. I mean right now I don’t know how I feel about anything.
Do I love him; do I need or want him? Questions I don’t have an answer for at least not a black and white answer. I don’t know if I want to be married to him or anyone. I feel like I’m not the marrying kind. I’m so loaded down with baggage and issues well beyond the norm and I realize that this is a lot more than he bargained for even if he doesn’t admit it.
The kids are a source of great angst between us. He doesn’t feel that I am consistent with them and even though since I’ve been back I have remained vigilant with them and the behavioral expectation he’s still stuck in the past. I told him that I felt like i
The bottom line is I don’t respect my husband. I don’t like him. His lack of balls has made me resentful and ready to walk away. I can do badly all by myself.
Entry Filed under: my feelings, my thoughts and tagged: communication, love, marriage, respect
