A day in the life…
October 16, 2011 kimbershome
A door slamming, feet kicking, head banging and screaming at the top of her lungs is she as she works through the anger that courses through her body. She’s eight years old and out of control. How do I handle it? We’ve been dealing with this for the past five years and as she gets older it gets more difficult. We are working with professionals on a solution but it has been an uphill battle.
My heart is twisted and torn and I feel helpless and on some days hopeless in the effort to get things under control. The ringing of the telephone makes my heart stop at work during school hours and text messages are viewed suspectly as they might be from school or daycare with an issue. The hardest part is taking the abuse that spews from the mouth during one of these tirades. Words, ugly words that cut to the core and cause one to pause, take a lot of deep breaths or count down from 100 to gain control over the emotions that rise to the surface. What comes out of the mouth leaves one dumb struck and at a loss as to what could cause one to feel so young to feel so troubled. How does a loving child one moment flip the switch and become someone so difficult to comprehend the next.
I ache for her, her pain and all that she goes through on a daily basis and for her sisters as they struggle between wanting to be with her and staying out of her way for fear of retaliation against them. We live in a war zone and from the outside looking in all seems “normal” but what is “normal” any way?
So why was I not surprised when the phone rang tonight and she was having a moment? Was it too much to hope for? This weekend was visitation and it was met with excitement all around. It had been a few months and lots had changed so we thought it would be a good time to try again. There was a power struggle, a test of the wills and she lost and didn’t take that very well. We had to remain firm and try to get her to accept responsibility and exercise a bit of control. A night-time trek of 90 miles just wasn’t in the cards and so we had to try to work through it so that the night could end on a reasonable note. It took some time but she was able to get herself together and the weekend hasn’t been a wash. She will be back in less than 24 hours and ready or not here we go.
Next week we start another round of therapist appointments and meetings with the school to see what services they can offer to help her get through the day without an outburst or loss of privileges. I am optimistic that we can come up with a plan. I pray daily that each day will be a good day and that we will get closer to a break through as to what we can do to get consecutive days of peace not just for us but for her too. I can only imagine how she must feel when these outbursts take place and when they are over. Physically she’s exhausted and emotionally she’s a wreck too so how is she psychologically and spiritually. Thankfully we have a God full of grace and mercy and love and compassion. A holy spirit that can wrap us up and bring us comfort in our toughest moments and I have to believe that is exactly what he does for her after one of these episodes.
Entry Filed under: life and tagged: anger, children, God, grace and mercy, holy spirit, love and compassion, therapy, turmoil
